Good things rarely come easy

Alright, listen up. So, for the past few months, it's been full-time work, social events galore, and marketing madness. Part-time turned forty hour work week at the same company. On top of that, throw in a personal life dumpster fire, and let me tell you, by 5 pm I was toast. Like, scrolling mindlessly on the sofa, questioning every life choice kind of toast. Weekends? Forget it. I had to physically drag myself out the door.

But two months in, things are slowly getting better. Sure, there are still full-on Netflix binges (which, FYI, are absolutely valid). This isn't your "five easy steps to conquering stress" handbook. It's more like a "why sometimes you gotta see it through" pep talk. See, there was a moment, a big, fat moment of "should I just quit?" But then I weighed things out. Turns out, more responsibility equals more stress - shocker, right? But the core of it? I actually liked my job and the people I worked with. So, I took a weekend away from the madness, and relaxed.

Here's the thing: quitting isn't a crime. Chronic stress, however, is a one-way ticket to burnout. My point? When life throws you curveballs, at work or elsewhere, take a step back. Weigh things out. Is this a temporary hurdle or a full-on roadblock? Newsflash: good stuff rarely comes easy. Even the dream job has its rough patches

That being said, listen to your gut. If the discomfort is like a weird, clingy ex that won't leave, then maybe it's time to make a change. You got this, boo. Just remember, a little perseverance goes a long way (with a generous side of self-care, ofc).

A sketch of the future

Expectations - they're like silent storytellers, weaving narratives in our minds about how things should unfold. Yet, do they solely lead us to disappointment, or is there more to their intricate role in our lives?

During a recent discussion with some friends, a lively debate arose on the subject. One of my friends said she felt let down that a recent movie had not met her expectations. This triggered a lively exchange of opposing views, each offering their own perspective on expectations and their impact.

The common belief that they are a one-way street to disappointment was a frequent thread running through the conversation. The idea was that the excitement for a certain outcome leaves us frustrated when reality deviates from it. Even if it turns out the way we had imagined, it doesn't trigger any feelings worth mentioning because we had already anticipated this outcome. Although I found the reasoning plausible, I disagreed with this view. I argued that expectations are not mere traps of disappointment; they are, in fact, our inner compasses guiding us through life’s twists and turns. However, it is not about completely erasing them, but understanding that they are fluid. Sure, unfulfilled hopes can dishearten us. Yet, having expectations doesn’t mean we’re indifferent when they come to realisation. It is not the prediction itself, but the way in which we chain ourselves to it that shapes our emotional reaction.

Our expectations cannot predict the future. They stem from our past experiences, painting a picture of what might come next, but never dictating it. They act as a sketch rather than a complete portrait, leaving space for reality to shape the remaining details. The beauty lies in the realization that our future is not predetermined; it is flexible, adaptable and open to surprises. What if we loosened our expectations and admired the beauty of the details we cannot foresee?

It’s not about discarding them; it’s about embracing their evolution. Sometimes, life doesn’t align with our anticipated script, but that doesn’t diminish its significance or value. Free yourself from rigid ideas of the future. Embrace the uncertainty, embrace the possibility that life might offer you something beyond your imagination. Isn't the magic of life precisely in its ability to amaze us?

It's time to redefine our relationship with expectations - not as limiting barriers, but as companions on our journey through life's unpredictable trajectory.

We are all lost

At our core, we are all alike, striving for companionship, recognition and to be a better version of what we were yesterday. At times we are unconsciously guided by greed, lust and envy. It is something we all have in common. We tend to forget this at times.

When we feel insecure and lost, we are prone to convince ourselves that we are the only ones who feel this way, and that everyone around us knows exactly what they are doing. However, often the opposite is the case. We all feel lost and uneasy, particularly when we have just gone through a significant change. The beginning of university or starting a new job is a good example.

The reason we are inclined to feel isolated and insecure is because the new environment we are in is out of our comfort zone. As a result, our mind fills us with anxiety desperately trying to pull us back into our comfort zone. However, there is no going back, we have to embrace change in order to expand our comfort zone. In fact, it is only by stepping out of our comfort zone that we can achieve real growth.

Here's what I’ve learned

To speed up the process, you can remind yourself that even if your mind is playing tricks on you and convincing you that you are the only one who feels lost and everyone else is coping well with the change, you have to actively reassure yourself that this is not the case. I am confident that no one feels safe and at ease in times of change.

In addition, the most exhilarating part of stepping out of your comfort zone is that you can't predict what's going to happen. When I stepped out of my comfort zone, I finally understood how peaceful solitude is. Solitude was something that scared me at the beginning of University, but I came to cherish it and even seek it out frequently. There is nothing more powerful than feeling completely content with your own company.

This is what you should pursue in life

The most fundamental question we ask ourselves is what to pursue in our lives.

From a very young age, we are asked to decide on a professional path. We decide whether or not to go to university, in a field we consider exciting, in a field we can imagine working in, or in a field that offers us the best opportunities.

I've always been fascinated by that. We're supposed to decide which direction our lives should go without fully knowing ourselves. When you graduate from high school, you've only just begun to discover who you really are. You're miles away from even digging deep enough to find out who you are and what you truly want in life. Considering how much we change in our 20s, we ought to regret the choices we made at the time. In other words, do most people regret the choices they made in their 20s?

Well, my theory is that we each choose a path and adjust our wants and needs to fit that direction as much as possible, and those who are unable to conform according to their chosen direction usually quit and change course.

Having changed direction myself, I have been thinking about how the question of what we should pursue can be handled more appropriately.

To do this, we will conduct a thought exercise.

Imagine what you would do even if it didn't bring you money, fame, or success. Something you can't imagine life without, something that gives you so much pleasure that you continue to do it even if it doesn't provide you with money, fame, or success. You do it simply because you enjoy doing it. That is what you should pursue.

The most difficult aspect of this exercise is that usually, this something is right in front of us. We are just incapable of seeing it. Perhaps this is because we are taught to pursue things that will bring us money, fame, or success. Having done that thing solely as a passion, we are not able to see it as a career path. But shouldn't our career be something we are passionate about? So why do we go out of our way to learn something new and pressure ourselves to be passionate about it? Why don't we find a way to take what we're excited about and turn it into something that can bring us money, fame, or success?

The best part is that most people "fail" (I say that word with caution because it is subjective) in their particular field because they don't have the necessary commitment to achieve their goal. Why? Simply because they have chosen to pursue a career which they would only do if it brought them money, fame, or success. Their commitment to that pursuit is tied strictly to those the things above, so once it no longer fulfills those goals, they abandon that pursuit.

However, someone who has made their passion into a career has the devotion to persevere through those difficult times because for them it was never about money, fame, or success, it was only ever for their passion. While these things can come and go, they continue doing what they love as well as being satisfied with the decision they made in their 20s.

Optimistic hope

When you allow yourself to feel vulnerable at last, and for the first time you're genuinely happy. You begin to trust and wake up every morning with a sense of bliss. But there's this persistent anxiety about losing that peace of mind. Now that you've seen how great the other side is, you can't imagine going back.

I was used to not feeling excited, I was used to being alone, I was used to not missing anyone so intensely. However, things have changed, and now I no longer appreciate the things I used to do. That high is so grand, but the fall is way worse. To think I convinced myself that it was worth it. That life is made up of ups and downs.

And now there's a void that was once filled with love and excitement. So what now? How long will it take for me to be my old self again? How long will it take for the longing to stop? And more importantly, will I do it again? Will I sacrifice my tedious peace and quiet for a little excitement and short-term love, only to suffer twice as much afterwards when I try to return to that tedious peace and quiet? Is it worth it?

As I am living through the pain at this moment, it is quite difficult to say that it is indeed worth it. The love and delight felt like a fleeting moment, while the recovery phase feels like an endless dark tunnel with no light at the end. Perhaps I should be pursuing something that brings me joy and love with no fear of losing it. Then again, perhaps the fear of losing something is what makes it all so much better.

Look, I know what you're thinking: I don't need anyone to be truly happy, I should be perfectly content all by myself. I agree with that, but that's not the happiness I was describing. I'm describing the sort of happiness we feel when we fall in love for the first time. It brings hope that makes us truly believe that the pain afterwards is nothing in comparison to the happiness. A simple feeling that makes even the darkest days shine brightly. You start to feel at ease.

Then, when it's gone, you feel as though something is missing. You go back to your normal routine, but nothing feels normal anymore.

Here’s what I’ve learned

Without even realizing it, you will slowly readjust to your life. You will regain your enthusiasm and stop comparing every feeling to the excitement you felt during that time. You will fill that void with something else.

The worst part is that you will have to do this several times in your life. You must. Because at the end of the day, we are quite simple creatures, we want nothing but love. You see, I'm aware that love is different for everyone, and for the longest time I thought I knew what that word meant, completely unaware that the sentiment can't be described. Love cannot be defined, as anyone who has ever felt it knows. That the mere description of this feeling does not even begin to capture it. That feeling is addictive, even if it hurts us in the end, we continue to seek it. We delude ourselves that this time it will be different or that the love will be worth it. And even in my current pain, I find that optimistic hope to be quite magnificent. After all, I know I'll keep seeking love and that I'll be in this pain again, willingly.

Freshers' week

The first week at university, also known as freshers' week, has now come to an end. It has already been a few days to look back on.

Due to Corona, I wasn't able to meet a lot of new people. I was studying architecture from the comfort of my home and had hardly any contact with my family and friends.

However, since I changed my major to Business Administration, I had the opportunity to attend Freshers' Week again, this time with fewer Corona restrictions as most students are vaccinated. Freshers' week is dedicated to meeting people and exploring the city, it mainly consists of parties and casual events.

Getting to know lots of new people in one week was an unfamiliar setting for me. Apparently, it's not like riding a bike, you can indeed forget how to do it. Looking back, I can't assess my behavior at the time, only how strange and awkward I felt, while interacting with people for the first time, whether it's a conversation about where they're from or why they chose their major, always felt odd; it doesn't come naturally to me how I should behave in those situations. I've always struggled when getting to know new people simply because I don't enjoy superficial exchanges. Needless to say, those are the only conversations you have with someone you've just met.

The reason I don't appreciate talking about shallow topics is that I can't be myself. Although I'm not particularly shy, it's tiring not to be able to discuss the matters that interest me as well as constantly struggling to find a new topic of conversation, regardless of whether you're genuinely interested in it. Truthfully, it seems as if I'm only talking to avoid the deafening silence that occurs between people who don't know each other that well.

There's a girl in my group, and while we were at an event yesterday, I kept suggesting that we leave, but even though she was visibly bored half the time, she didn't want to leave and even ended up staying after I left. I admire that because she isn't easily discouraged by a moment of silence or awkwardness, she knows those moments will pass and amusing moments will follow.

To me, finding interest in other people is difficult. As I was talking to people at these events, I noticed that I didn't care where they were from or why they chose that particular major, notably, I didn't feel that this interaction would hold any significance in the future, knowing that I wouldn't become close friends with the vast majority of these people.

By no means is that meant to be condescending, everyone was friendly and I had a good time, but I didn't feel as though I connected with most of them. Talking to someone you feel a bond with is entirely different than chatting with someone you don't feel a bond with. Speaking to people you feel an instant connection to feels easy, it's not mentally draining, and you could imagine doing it indefinitely. Even conversations about superficial matters lead to more engaging issues and you begin to open up.

Quite the opposite is the case after meeting someone you don't feel any bond with. It always leaves you, or at least me, with a feeling that can perhaps best be described as a disappointment. Disappointed because every time I encounter somebody new, I anticipate a connection right away, but when that's not the case, it leaves me feeling gutted. Thus, making it pointless to stay at these gatherings.

Nevertheless, I forced myself to stay as long as I could. Until everything I had to say was said and I met a handful of new people. By the time I got back home, I felt proud of myself for having learned a valuable lesson.

Here's what I learned

Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy, and you will feel a lot of resistance. Every fiber of your body will try to return to the comfort of your old environment, but that's what you must escape from to grow.

Granted, admitting that I had to force myself to stay at a social event may sound strange at first, but that's precisely what happened: I had to force myself to remain in that setting precisely because it was out of my comfort zone. I will continue to do so.

After all, it's just a matter of practice: the more I go out and meet new people, the easier it will become. Even if the first 100 times may feel awkward, disappointing, and strange, I have to push through it. Only then will I be able to grow and expand my horizons.