How to…

There is this radical discomfort when you step out of your comfort zone. In the last few months, I have left my comfort zone far behind. I started a new job shortly after suffering two major losses in my life. I'm juggling uni, work, and personal life. However, I met more new people last semester than in the previous two semesters combined. I compelled myself to keep going, even when I longed to run back to my comfort zone. It takes a lot of willpower to focus on why it's all worth it when my mind is trying to get me to fall back into my old habits.

Here's what I've learned

Accept that you will be terrible at first

Something I often struggle with is that as a perfectionist, I tend to get discouraged when I realise I'm not getting great results. It's also why I've never been able to pursue hobbies over a long period. However, this is not sustainable, I now have to accept that it is quite impossible to achieve great results quickly. Especially when you embark on something completely new, you will very often fail before you succeed. This is amplified by the fact that our generation is conditioned to expect instant gratification, but long-term relationships and a fulfilling job will not give you instant gratification. Remember, nothing great could ever be built quickly. It is patience and effort on which these achievements are built.

Your network is your net-worth

One of the most valuable things in your life is your network. In fact, most job and housing offers are not even advertised, they are referred through your network. The people you know and the social circles you frequent, shape you in ways you can't even imagine. You should make it a habit to socialise every day. Meet new people, go to events you've never been to before, and your circle should be constantly expanding.

Say yes more often

Make a commitment to yourself that you will go to every event that crosses your path. Even if you think it might not be something that would interest you, go anyway. I've been doing this very diligently for the last three months, and believe me, not only will you meet plenty of fascinating people, but you never know if you might find something that truly intrigues you. I never thought I would be such a fan of poetry, because at school I always avoided that topic, but going to poetry slams, for example, rekindled my enthusiasm for it.

Just say yes, you never know...

Talk to strangers as if they were already friends

I know this is easier said than done, especially if you're a rather introverted person. But I think we can all agree that small talk at first is not only awkward but usually boring. My advice: skip the awkward stage and avoid the standard questions. Pay attention to one thing that is unique about a person and ask them about it. This is even easier if you are at a particular event because you can use the event as a conversation starter. Also, with people, you only exchange two to three sentences, be positive, and exude an approachable attitude. Doing so will transform your conversations with others and you will be surprised how quickly people reflect your friendliness.

Enjoy the process

It is so easy to forget to enjoy the moment, we are usually focusing on what we want to achieve and what our life will look like, that we forget that the present moment is fleeting and that we will never be this young again, that the people we are with at the moment may not be in our future lives. To think that we will look back on these moments that will be memories and that we will regret that we didn’t cherish them more.

Surround yourself with people who give you joy

I am grateful for the people in my life. Both for those who have been with me for a while and those who have made the last few months such a pleasure. People who have brought out the best in me and truly have faith in me, even while knowing my weaknesses. Every moment is worthwhile when spent with the right people. People who make you feel safe and at ease.

Strive for greater things

Never settle for the bare minimum, neither for yourself nor for those around you. Constantly strive for more, continue to improve, and be a better person than you were yesterday. Don't settle for the bare minimum in your environment either, encourage your friends and family to become better too, and recognise that you are made for greatness and deserve the same love that you give to others. Identify what area you can improve in and proactively work to improve yourself.

Make mistakes

Stop regretting every little mistake you have made. In fact, now is the time when you have the luxury of messing up, and you should take advantage of it. Do things without the fear of messing up, because you'll grow a lot more from failing than you ever will from getting it right the first time. Consider mistakes as an opportunity to do better next time. See what works for you and what doesn't, because recognising what you don't want is just as important as recognising what you do want.

Take some time off

I have filled the last three months with as many activities as possible, desperately trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts. Being alone reminded me of what was no longer there, which threw me into a downward spiral. Looking back, I can say that this was not the best decision, because it damaged my well-being. I often forgot to eat because I was rushing from uni to work and then to a social event in the evening. I often changed in the car between appointments. I would arrive home exhausted and go straight to bed, only to do it again the next day, seven days a week. It doesn't matter what you do or how many commitments you have. You must schedule time for your body and mind to recover properly. I am now feeling the effects of powering through without having time to catch my breath, I have very little energy and I see a burnout on the horizon.

At least one day a week should be free from any commitments in order to relax and reflect.

Gratitude

Having your own space, having people who care about you, being able to pay the bills, being able to cook your favourite meals, and everything you can only be grateful for. So why can't I appreciate all these things accordingly?

Let me emphasise up front that I am indeed grateful for my health, for my family, and for everything I own. Yet every now and then I catch myself wishing I could appreciate these things more appropriately. I don't want to remind myself to be grateful, I want to be in a constant state of bliss knowing that I'm crazy fortunate.

There is a lot of suffering in the world, unimaginable suffering. The things we take for granted are considered luxuries for others. Now, I have no intention of shaming anyone, just because we might have an easier, more privileged life than others doesn't imply that we can't have bad feelings, after all every human life contains varying degrees of suffering. But also, a degree of things to be grateful for.

Thus, all of us could benefit from seeing things from a different point of view by practising more gratitude, which can have an immense impact on our lives.

Here's what I've learned

Once gratitude becomes a constant companion, hardships will be regarded with a different mindset, after all, we cannot truly know love without first experiencing loneliness, faith without doubt, beauty without ugliness. It is only from the perspective of gratitude that we come to understand that these pains must be preserved within the pleasures for the latter to remain worthwhile.

Ultimately, it is all about what you make of the world. Having an inner trust that you have everything you need in life, and that you can appreciate how far you have come, you begin to sustain yourself differently, approaching every situation in life from a place of gratitude, which makes it far easier to ease feelings that are weighing you down.