This is what you should pursue in life

The most fundamental question we ask ourselves is what to pursue in our lives.

From a very young age, we are asked to decide on a professional path. We decide whether or not to go to university, in a field we consider exciting, in a field we can imagine working in, or in a field that offers us the best opportunities.

I've always been fascinated by that. We're supposed to decide which direction our lives should go without fully knowing ourselves. When you graduate from high school, you've only just begun to discover who you really are. You're miles away from even digging deep enough to find out who you are and what you truly want in life. Considering how much we change in our 20s, we ought to regret the choices we made at the time. In other words, do most people regret the choices they made in their 20s?

Well, my theory is that we each choose a path and adjust our wants and needs to fit that direction as much as possible, and those who are unable to conform according to their chosen direction usually quit and change course.

Having changed direction myself, I have been thinking about how the question of what we should pursue can be handled more appropriately.

To do this, we will conduct a thought exercise.

Imagine what you would do even if it didn't bring you money, fame, or success. Something you can't imagine life without, something that gives you so much pleasure that you continue to do it even if it doesn't provide you with money, fame, or success. You do it simply because you enjoy doing it. That is what you should pursue.

The most difficult aspect of this exercise is that usually, this something is right in front of us. We are just incapable of seeing it. Perhaps this is because we are taught to pursue things that will bring us money, fame, or success. Having done that thing solely as a passion, we are not able to see it as a career path. But shouldn't our career be something we are passionate about? So why do we go out of our way to learn something new and pressure ourselves to be passionate about it? Why don't we find a way to take what we're excited about and turn it into something that can bring us money, fame, or success?

The best part is that most people "fail" (I say that word with caution because it is subjective) in their particular field because they don't have the necessary commitment to achieve their goal. Why? Simply because they have chosen to pursue a career which they would only do if it brought them money, fame, or success. Their commitment to that pursuit is tied strictly to those the things above, so once it no longer fulfills those goals, they abandon that pursuit.

However, someone who has made their passion into a career has the devotion to persevere through those difficult times because for them it was never about money, fame, or success, it was only ever for their passion. While these things can come and go, they continue doing what they love as well as being satisfied with the decision they made in their 20s.

Freshers' week

The first week at university, also known as freshers' week, has now come to an end. It has already been a few days to look back on.

Due to Corona, I wasn't able to meet a lot of new people. I was studying architecture from the comfort of my home and had hardly any contact with my family and friends.

However, since I changed my major to Business Administration, I had the opportunity to attend Freshers' Week again, this time with fewer Corona restrictions as most students are vaccinated. Freshers' week is dedicated to meeting people and exploring the city, it mainly consists of parties and casual events.

Getting to know lots of new people in one week was an unfamiliar setting for me. Apparently, it's not like riding a bike, you can indeed forget how to do it. Looking back, I can't assess my behavior at the time, only how strange and awkward I felt, while interacting with people for the first time, whether it's a conversation about where they're from or why they chose their major, always felt odd; it doesn't come naturally to me how I should behave in those situations. I've always struggled when getting to know new people simply because I don't enjoy superficial exchanges. Needless to say, those are the only conversations you have with someone you've just met.

The reason I don't appreciate talking about shallow topics is that I can't be myself. Although I'm not particularly shy, it's tiring not to be able to discuss the matters that interest me as well as constantly struggling to find a new topic of conversation, regardless of whether you're genuinely interested in it. Truthfully, it seems as if I'm only talking to avoid the deafening silence that occurs between people who don't know each other that well.

There's a girl in my group, and while we were at an event yesterday, I kept suggesting that we leave, but even though she was visibly bored half the time, she didn't want to leave and even ended up staying after I left. I admire that because she isn't easily discouraged by a moment of silence or awkwardness, she knows those moments will pass and amusing moments will follow.

To me, finding interest in other people is difficult. As I was talking to people at these events, I noticed that I didn't care where they were from or why they chose that particular major, notably, I didn't feel that this interaction would hold any significance in the future, knowing that I wouldn't become close friends with the vast majority of these people.

By no means is that meant to be condescending, everyone was friendly and I had a good time, but I didn't feel as though I connected with most of them. Talking to someone you feel a bond with is entirely different than chatting with someone you don't feel a bond with. Speaking to people you feel an instant connection to feels easy, it's not mentally draining, and you could imagine doing it indefinitely. Even conversations about superficial matters lead to more engaging issues and you begin to open up.

Quite the opposite is the case after meeting someone you don't feel any bond with. It always leaves you, or at least me, with a feeling that can perhaps best be described as a disappointment. Disappointed because every time I encounter somebody new, I anticipate a connection right away, but when that's not the case, it leaves me feeling gutted. Thus, making it pointless to stay at these gatherings.

Nevertheless, I forced myself to stay as long as I could. Until everything I had to say was said and I met a handful of new people. By the time I got back home, I felt proud of myself for having learned a valuable lesson.

Here's what I learned

Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy, and you will feel a lot of resistance. Every fiber of your body will try to return to the comfort of your old environment, but that's what you must escape from to grow.

Granted, admitting that I had to force myself to stay at a social event may sound strange at first, but that's precisely what happened: I had to force myself to remain in that setting precisely because it was out of my comfort zone. I will continue to do so.

After all, it's just a matter of practice: the more I go out and meet new people, the easier it will become. Even if the first 100 times may feel awkward, disappointing, and strange, I have to push through it. Only then will I be able to grow and expand my horizons.

Decisions that need to be made

At a very young age, we are asked what we want to be when we grow up. For a long time, I tried to remember my answer to this question and even asked my mother if she could remember. She couldn't remember either, which I thought was a disaster at the time.

So I had to figure out the answer in my adolescent years, frantically trying to remember what my three-year-old self wanted to be.

And why? Because it makes life easier.

If you determine at a young age what path you want to pursue, you put everything in your life into achieving that goal. This saves you from constantly having to deal with the future, especially deciding on a certain direction. Something that no longer appeals to me as I continue to become more independent.

Growing up as quickly as possible is probably the wish of many children. Meanwhile, adults caution us against this desire, but without making it clear why. If you ask them why they wouldn't recommend growing up too quickly, they always cite the most trivial things they can think of, such as missing school or not being able to see your friends every day, although they know very well that these are the most bearable things about adulthood.

The insight I would have liked to have is that, as an adult, I have to start making my own decisions, not about small, insignificant things like what to eat every day, which can also be quite a challenge if you are not a very good cook yourself, but that you have to start deciding about things that are extremely important at that time, such as what to study at university or where to live, whether the person you are attracted to will be the right partner for you and so on. Since I started making all these decisions for myself, there have been numerous times where I wished someone would just make a decision for me. Either to blame someone else should I not be satisfied with the outcome, or because I realized I had to figure out who I was as a person and who I wanted to become. I felt, that only someone with an external point of view could make an objective decision about who I was and who I wanted to become. I was too biased and sentimental to make such a long-term decision.

Therefore, I pretended to make a decision by myself while doing exactly what I was told to do by people who I believed knew me better than I knew myself, and (to no surprise) I regretted it shortly after. What I regretted most was that I failed to listen to myself. That I thought I didn't have to make such a decision with my own feelings in mind, that I thought such a decision had to be objective. Of course, I had no way of knowing that, and now I could certainly blame all the adults in my life for not teaching me that, yet I am grateful for having learned a lesson that I could never have learned if I had not experienced it myself.

Here's what I learned

When you make a decision for yourself, there is no right or wrong as long as you are that one person making the decision. Every path you choose has something valuable for you in the end. Even if it turns out not to be the most appropriate course, after all, there was something in you that wanted you to learn that lesson, hence making it the right path, even if you change direction later on. At the very least, you can consider it as growth.

Although I still have difficulty making decisions, I have begun to accept the discomfort, for every decision I make nowadays, no matter how small or big, it brings me joy, because every single choice allows me to get to know myself a little better and brings me closer to the person I hope to become.