Don’t say “everything will be fine”

Navigating the complexities of our emotions and struggles can be a challenging journey, especially when it feels like a heavy burden that we're carrying alone. At times, we reach out to our loved ones, sharing our deepest emotions, seeking comfort and support. While their intentions are genuine, there are moments when we still find ourselves longing for someone who truly understands the depths of our pain.

It's disheartening when you share your innermost thoughts and emotions, only to be met with cliché phrases and empty reassurances that everything will magically be fine. You long for someone who truly understands what you're going through, someone who can offer genuine empathy and support. It's in these moments that you question the point of opening up and sharing your struggles when it seems like no one truly hears you.

Of course, you're grateful for the efforts of your loved ones to help you. Their intentions are genuine, but deep down, you feel even worse after sharing because you still don't feel truly heard or understood. It's a painful cycle of feeling isolated and burdened, trapped in a world where your struggles are dismissed with well-intentioned but superficial phrases.

It's important to acknowledge that finding a neat and tidy resolution to these feelings is not always possible. It's a complex and deeply personal journey that varies from person to person. While I can't provide a definitive answer since I haven't fully overcome this struggle myself, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Sharing your experiences and emotions is a powerful step towards finding solace and validation. There are others out there who can relate to your feelings. Remember, your emotions are valid, your struggles should be taken seriously, and you deserve to be heard and supported. Life should be filled with excitement and joy, and it's essential to find the support and understanding that can help you regain your inner light.

In this journey, seek out compassionate individuals who truly empathize with your struggles. Consider reaching out to support groups or seeking professional guidance from therapists or counselors who specialize in the challenges you face. Together, you can explore paths to healing and find solace in knowing that you are not alone in your journey.

While the road ahead may be uncertain, never underestimate the power of finding solidarity and understanding. By sharing your story, you have already taken a courageous step towards reclaiming your sense of self and seeking the support you deserve. Remember, you are never alone, and there is hope for brighter days ahead.

For all those who are trying to support someone who is struggling:

As we navigate the delicate terrain of supporting loved ones who are struggling, it's essential to recognize that offering logical solutions or cliché phrases may not always be the most helpful approach. While it's natural to want to provide answers and alleviate their pain, sometimes what they truly need is simply to be heard and understood.

Acknowledging the emotions and experiences of those who are struggling goes beyond offering quick fixes or dismissing their feelings. It involves being present, actively listening, and validating their emotions. Letting them know that you understand the depth of their struggles can provide immense comfort and reassurance.

In our efforts to support, it's also important to remember that logical solutions don't always address the core of their emotional turmoil. While it's valuable to discuss potential next steps and options, it's equally important to allow them the space to feel their emotions fully. Validating their feelings and allowing them to express themselves without judgment creates an environment of trust and empathy.

Different individuals may have different needs when it comes to finding comfort during difficult times. Some may prefer some alone time to reflect and heal, while others may find solace in engaging in meaningful conversations. Some might benefit from getting temporarily distracted from their struggles by doing something fun or engaging in activities that bring them joy.

Communication becomes vital in this process. Sharing our preferences and needs with our loved ones can help them better understand how to support us. Likewise, asking them how they would like to be comforted if they were facing challenges can foster a reciprocal understanding and create stronger bonds of support.

In conclusion, supporting someone who is struggling requires us to go beyond clichés and logical solutions. It involves active listening, genuine empathy, and validating their emotions. Remember to be present, offer a non-judgmental space, and respect their individual needs. Together, we can create a foundation of support and understanding that allows us all to heal and grow.

The other side of the tunnel

Letting go of something that doesn't meet your standards can be incredibly difficult. It can leave you feeling empty and alone, wondering if you made the right decision. But sometimes, you have to let go of what's comfortable in order to make room for something better.

It's important to remember what we bring to the table and how much we deserve. We shouldn't be afraid to leave a situation that doesn't align with our values and goals. When we choose ourselves and leave behind what no longer serves us, we make space for something better to come into our lives.

Of course, the healing journey after letting go can still be challenging. It's natural to feel sadness, grief, and uncertainty during this time. But it's important to remember that healing is not a linear process. There will be ups and downs, and that's okay. It's okay to take the time you need to heal, and to reach out for support if you need it.

Leaving a situation that doesn't meet our standards is an act of self-love. It's choosing ourselves and our happiness over something that is holding us back. And when we make that choice, we open ourselves up to the possibility of finding something better—something that aligns with our values and brings us joy.

When you finally find something better—something that meets your standards and makes you truly happy—it's important to celebrate that achievement. Take pride in the fact that you chose yourself, and that you were brave enough to leave something behind that no longer served you.

Finally, letting go of anything that does not fulfil our expectations is a profound act of self-love. It's about acknowledging our worth and prioritising ourselves and our fulfilment over everything else. It might be a challenging path, but when we find something better, we can look back with gratitude, knowing that we were brave enough to choose ourselves.

I know I am.

Living up to your potential

„Living up to your potential“ is a concept that has been ingrained in us since childhood. It's the notion that we have the ability to achieve greatness, both in our personal lives and in our studies or future careers. However, with that potential comes the burden of expectations, which can weigh heavily on us as we navigate through life.

It's natural to have high expectations of ourselves, but that drive can quickly turn into fear if we feel we're not living up to our potential. We worry that we'll look back on our lives and realize we've wasted our talents, and that we'll never achieve the success we desire.

Managing that fear can be a challenge, but it's important to remember that success is not a linear path. It's a journey with ups and downs, and celebrating the small successes along the way is just as important as achieving the big ones. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.

It's also important to recognize that failure is a natural part of the process. No one achieves success without encountering setbacks along the way. The key is to learn from those failures and use them as motivation to keep pushing forward.

Another important aspect of living up to your potential is understanding what success means to you. It's easy to get caught up in the societal expectations of what success looks like, but true success is defined by your own goals and aspirations. Take the time to reflect on what truly matters to you and focus your efforts on achieving those things.

Above all, it's important to be kind to yourself. It's easy to be our own harshest critic, but remember that you're only human. Don't let the fear of failure prevent you from pursuing your goals and dreams.

Living up to your potential is a daunting task, but it's also a rewarding one. Embrace the journey, celebrate your small successes, learn from your failures, and always strive to be the best version of yourself.

Study life balance

As I'm in the midst of my exams, I've been reminded of the anxiety and distress that comes with our academic journey, and it's often difficult for me to not be so hard with myself and to remember what's truly important in life.

However, when talking to ourselves, we have a tendency to be quite harsh and judgmental, so a good way to gain more perspective is to imagine how you would speak to a friend. So this is what I would say to a friend.

“I understand that you may be feeling overwhelmed and discouraged with your studies right now. Perhaps you've received disappointing grades, or you feel like you're not making the progress you want to make. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day struggles and forget what is really important.

So let me remind you: what is really important is your personal growth and development. Your studies are not just about getting good grades or passing exams; they are about expanding your mind, learning new skills, and becoming the best version of yourself.

Remember that every challenge you face in your studies is an opportunity for growth. When you encounter difficult concepts or struggle with assignments, it can be tempting to give up or become frustrated. But if you persevere and keep pushing yourself, you will emerge on the other side with a new level of understanding and mastery.

Also, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, whether it's asking your teacher for clarification on a concept or studying with a classmate.

Finally, remember to take care of yourself. Your physical and mental health are more important than your studies, and neglecting them can have a negative impact on your academic performance as well. Make time for exercise, rest, and prioritize your mental health by seeking support if you're struggling.

So keep your head up, and remember what is really important. Your studies are just one part of your journey, and they are an important step toward achieving your goals and becoming the best version of yourself. Keep pushing yourself, keep learning, and keep growing.”

“Love yourself first”

“Learn to love yourself first before you fall in love with someone else.”

I've heard this phrase several times, but I didn't grasp the true meaning of it until now. Particularly why it has been emphasised that this is critical before you start a relationship.

You keep thinking about them and you can't stop glancing your phone, waiting for them to text or call you. You are disappointed once you're apart, because you would love to spend every second of your day with them.

If you can relate to this kind of behaviour towards someone you are seeing, it is not a sign of being in love, nor is it something that is common at the beginning of a relationship, but it is a great indicator that you are lacking something in your own life. The new partner has brought excitement into your life, you finally feel exhilarated again. You don't want to be apart from them, because then you might lose that feeling. So far you have not felt this happiness within yourself, so you are looking for these feelings externally. Doing so is extremely dangerous because your mood becomes dependent on that person.

When we are advised to love ourselves first, people often neglect to explain why that is significant. When we first start dating, the beginning is usually filled with joy and excitement. Naturally, a lot of people cherish this excitement and want to spend more time with their potential partner. However, those who have been unhappy in their lives run the risk of trading the excitement and joy that a new partnership brings for losing themselves in it. They begin to schedule their entire life around this relationship and disregard their own priorities. It is crucial that your life is equally fulfilling with and without a partner. Your new partner should not even be able to take control of your mind and therefore your life because you have built a life that brings you pleasure and fulfilment. Your partner should not be the sole reason for your happiness, but rather contribute to it. And if that is not the case, you should consider this a great warning sign and take appropriate steps to learn to love your life and yourself.

Only when we have begun to truly love ourselves can we build meaningful relationships, because then we have established a standard by which we want to be loved. For we know what we deserve. Moreover, we realise that we would rather be alone than in bad company. The only constant is your own company. Ensure that you thoroughly enjoy that company, and if you haven't yet figured out how to do that, it's about time you start. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship in your life - don't neglect to nurture it.

“Ground rules”

It's getting cold outside, which means the season of couples has begun. During this season, love is often talked about even in my circle of friends, everyone is dating or longing for someone with whom they can save some heating costs. Therefore, I thought it would be appropriate to draw up a list of principles that I would like to call the “ ground rules for love”.

1. Do not set the bar too low.

Someone will only jump as high as you set the bar for them. If you set the bar too low, you may end up understating the framework of the relationship you are trying to build. You will be disappointed and end up wishing for more. In building a relationship, you are simultaneously building a manner of interaction. Therefore, how someone treats you should always be set very high.

2. Figure out ways you feel most loved, then find the person who can give that to you.

When looking for a relationship, we are constantly looking for someone who makes us feel loved and cared for. However, we all have different love languages that we use to express our affection for someone.

There are "physical touch", “gift giving”, “spending time” and “acts of service”. It is of significance that you figure out what kind of love language makes you feel cherished and how you express love.

3. Look at the situation from a distance.

On paper, someone may seem great, but when you look at the situation from an external point of view, you get a new perspective on the situation. I would recommend, taking a step back and imagining what you would advise a friend in this situation.

Furthermore, this can also be applied when you begin to overthink matters as you start to analyse every little detail realise that you are blowing things out of proportion.

4. Communication is key.

One thing I learned the hard way is that you can't build a relationship with someone without proper communication. You have to be honest and straightforward with your partner, especially if you want to establish a long-term relationship. You are going to have arguments and disagreements, but you will only prosper if you communicate honestly and effectively.

5. If someone is looking for an easy way out, let them go.

Maintaining a healthy relationship will be difficult because nothing worthwhile comes easy. If someone is constantly making excuses and making every little flaw in your relationship a huge issue that you can't get over. Recognise that this person is not willing to fight for your relationship, that they are just looking for an excuse to leave. The relationship is destined to collapse because one of you isn't willing to fight. They will leave, so better sooner than later.

6. Be secure in yourself.

The biggest mistake you can make is looking for validation externally. No one should be able to affect your self-worth. You shouldn't feel any more desirable just because you're in a relationship, and you should never feel less worthy if you don't have one. Be confident in who you are, have your own aspirations and achievements.

7. It is more than "love".

Love can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways, but I have seen countless relationships fail even though they both were in love. However, it is simply not enough to be in love. It's about perseverance, knowing that you are building something greater and that a relationship can sustain losses and should not be taken for granted.

8. Prefer to be alone than to ask for the bare minimum.

If someone wanted to, they would. You don't have to ask for anything because if the person wanted to spend time with you, wanted to get to know you or wanted the relationship to work, they would have done the best they could to make that happen. We as humans are very stubborn when it comes to what we genuinely want in life. Thus, if someone is not even doing the bare minimum for the relationship, stop wasting your energy and time.

9. Understand that the honeymoon will be over.

The high of the first three to four months will pass and you will get accustomed to dating. Your partner will see you for who you really are and you will see them for who they really are. That is wonderful, because then you can be assured that you are being loved for who you truly are.

10 .You will find the right one.

It should go without saying, but I say it for all those who are deep down terrified that they will never find the person they are looking for. For all those who think they should settle for the next best one, because at least that's better than being alone. It isn't. You're pouring your energy and your heart into building something that won't last. Deep down, you'll feel it when you've met the right one because you'll stop wishing for more.

All these are fairly light hearted, yet we tend to forget some of the above as soon as we fall in love simply because love clouds our logical thinking, I hope this can put things into perspective in the hope that the heart breaks will be minimised during the spring season.