“Ground rules”
It's getting cold outside, which means the season of couples has begun. During this season, love is often talked about even in my circle of friends, everyone is dating or longing for someone with whom they can save some heating costs. Therefore, I thought it would be appropriate to draw up a list of principles that I would like to call the “ ground rules for love”.
1. Do not set the bar too low.
Someone will only jump as high as you set the bar for them. If you set the bar too low, you may end up understating the framework of the relationship you are trying to build. You will be disappointed and end up wishing for more. In building a relationship, you are simultaneously building a manner of interaction. Therefore, how someone treats you should always be set very high.
2. Figure out ways you feel most loved, then find the person who can give that to you.
When looking for a relationship, we are constantly looking for someone who makes us feel loved and cared for. However, we all have different love languages that we use to express our affection for someone.
There are "physical touch", “gift giving”, “spending time” and “acts of service”. It is of significance that you figure out what kind of love language makes you feel cherished and how you express love.
3. Look at the situation from a distance.
On paper, someone may seem great, but when you look at the situation from an external point of view, you get a new perspective on the situation. I would recommend, taking a step back and imagining what you would advise a friend in this situation.
Furthermore, this can also be applied when you begin to overthink matters as you start to analyse every little detail realise that you are blowing things out of proportion.
4. Communication is key.
One thing I learned the hard way is that you can't build a relationship with someone without proper communication. You have to be honest and straightforward with your partner, especially if you want to establish a long-term relationship. You are going to have arguments and disagreements, but you will only prosper if you communicate honestly and effectively.
5. If someone is looking for an easy way out, let them go.
Maintaining a healthy relationship will be difficult because nothing worthwhile comes easy. If someone is constantly making excuses and making every little flaw in your relationship a huge issue that you can't get over. Recognise that this person is not willing to fight for your relationship, that they are just looking for an excuse to leave. The relationship is destined to collapse because one of you isn't willing to fight. They will leave, so better sooner than later.
6. Be secure in yourself.
The biggest mistake you can make is looking for validation externally. No one should be able to affect your self-worth. You shouldn't feel any more desirable just because you're in a relationship, and you should never feel less worthy if you don't have one. Be confident in who you are, have your own aspirations and achievements.
7. It is more than "love".
Love can be interpreted in an infinite number of ways, but I have seen countless relationships fail even though they both were in love. However, it is simply not enough to be in love. It's about perseverance, knowing that you are building something greater and that a relationship can sustain losses and should not be taken for granted.
8. Prefer to be alone than to ask for the bare minimum.
If someone wanted to, they would. You don't have to ask for anything because if the person wanted to spend time with you, wanted to get to know you or wanted the relationship to work, they would have done the best they could to make that happen. We as humans are very stubborn when it comes to what we genuinely want in life. Thus, if someone is not even doing the bare minimum for the relationship, stop wasting your energy and time.
9. Understand that the honeymoon will be over.
The high of the first three to four months will pass and you will get accustomed to dating. Your partner will see you for who you really are and you will see them for who they really are. That is wonderful, because then you can be assured that you are being loved for who you truly are.
10 .You will find the right one.
It should go without saying, but I say it for all those who are deep down terrified that they will never find the person they are looking for. For all those who think they should settle for the next best one, because at least that's better than being alone. It isn't. You're pouring your energy and your heart into building something that won't last. Deep down, you'll feel it when you've met the right one because you'll stop wishing for more.
All these are fairly light hearted, yet we tend to forget some of the above as soon as we fall in love simply because love clouds our logical thinking, I hope this can put things into perspective in the hope that the heart breaks will be minimised during the spring season.