Friendships

In our twenties, we often focus heavily on finding the right romantic partner, sometimes overlooking the incredible stability our friendships offer. It's strange because our friends are the ones who've been with us through our teenage years, the people we turn to in tough times, sharing things we might not tell anyone else.

My closest friend and I have been inseparable for about six years now. Our friendship didn’t start on a specific day; it just grew from knowing each other to becoming an integral part of each other’s lives. We met in middle school and became really close during high school. Even though we’ve been 600 kilometers apart during university, our bond only grew stronger. I've learned that all relationships, whether romantic or not, need effort to thrive.

My friend and I make it a daily habit to check in with each other, even if it's just a quick call or text. Showing interest and letting someone know you’re eager to talk can mean a lot. We take our friendship seriously by planning hangouts, even if it’s just to watch a movie. It’s our way of showing how much our friendship means to us.

If you feel any of your connections lack depth, treat them like new relationships. Show genuine interest in their lives, spend quality time together, and be caring and thoughtful, just as you'd want someone to be with you.

I’m incredibly grateful for my dearest friend. She’s been a constant support, someone I can always count on. Knowing she trusts me and shares her life with me is something I cherish deeply. (Thank you Sophie!)

Friendships, like any relationship, need attention and care. By valuing these connections, we not only honour our bonds but also enrich our lives with invaluable support.

Embracing Personal Independence

In our journey through life, it is crucial to strike a balance between sharing our lives with loved ones and maintaining our personal independence. Over the past year, I have undergone a significant transformation in becoming financially self-reliant. Moving to a different city forced me to unlearn dependency on others.

Growing up, I was accustomed to my parents, especially my mother, taking care of important matters. Even after leaving home, I often sought her guidance on crucial decisions. I mistakenly believed that the extent of my loved ones care determined their love for me. However, I came to the realization that it is not their duty to take care of me - I am an adult and responsible for my own well-being.

This realization, though easier said than done, required me to let go of certain expectations. I had to acknowledge that we all face our own struggles and burdens. It is unfair to burden others with our dependency without considering their own challenges. If we find ourselves dependent on someone, it is essential to ask whether we would willingly provide the same level of care to someone else and if it would feel burdensome.

Here is what I have learned

Having had parents or guardians who cared for us was a blessing, but that phase of life has passed. We must take charge of our own lives to the best of our abilities. Everything we seek in others can be provided by ourselves. We need to be kinder, more considerate, patient, positive, and fun toward ourselves. We are the constant in our lives, and it is our responsibility to ensure we are cared for in every possible way. Express gratitude for our accomplishments thus far. The more independence we gain, the less our emotions and well-being will rely on others. We possess all the necessary ingredients for happiness, love, and appreciation within ourselves.

Embracing personal independence is a journey of self-care, allowing us to nurture and fulfill our own needs. By cultivating a sense of self-reliance, we empower ourselves to live a more fulfilling and gratifying life.

The other side of the tunnel

Letting go of something that doesn't meet your standards can be incredibly difficult. It can leave you feeling empty and alone, wondering if you made the right decision. But sometimes, you have to let go of what's comfortable in order to make room for something better.

It's important to remember what we bring to the table and how much we deserve. We shouldn't be afraid to leave a situation that doesn't align with our values and goals. When we choose ourselves and leave behind what no longer serves us, we make space for something better to come into our lives.

Of course, the healing journey after letting go can still be challenging. It's natural to feel sadness, grief, and uncertainty during this time. But it's important to remember that healing is not a linear process. There will be ups and downs, and that's okay. It's okay to take the time you need to heal, and to reach out for support if you need it.

Leaving a situation that doesn't meet our standards is an act of self-love. It's choosing ourselves and our happiness over something that is holding us back. And when we make that choice, we open ourselves up to the possibility of finding something better—something that aligns with our values and brings us joy.

When you finally find something better—something that meets your standards and makes you truly happy—it's important to celebrate that achievement. Take pride in the fact that you chose yourself, and that you were brave enough to leave something behind that no longer served you.

Finally, letting go of anything that does not fulfil our expectations is a profound act of self-love. It's about acknowledging our worth and prioritising ourselves and our fulfilment over everything else. It might be a challenging path, but when we find something better, we can look back with gratitude, knowing that we were brave enough to choose ourselves.

I know I am.

Being vulnerable takes courage

Keeping up a facade of perfection can be extremely challenging and stressful. It requires a lot of effort and energy to present oneself as flawless and problem-free, which can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and even burnout. Moreover, this can also put a strain on your relationships, as your loved ones may sense that something is not right, but they are unable to help because you are not being honest with them.

On the other hand, being vulnerable with the right person can have many benefits for your mental health and relationships. Sharing your struggles, fears, and insecurities with someone you trust can help you feel more understood, validated, and supported. It can also help to relieve stress and emotional burdens, and strengthen the bond between you and that person. When you are vulnerable, you allow yourself to be seen for who you truly are, and this can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

However, it is important to be selective about who you choose to be vulnerable with. Not everyone is capable of providing the support and understanding that you need. Therefore, it is crucial to find someone who is trustworthy, empathetic, and non-judgmental. This could be a close friend, therapist, partner, or a family member.

Here’s what I've learned

Keeping up a perfect facade can seem like an easy way out, but being vulnerable with the right person comes with numerous benefits that you should consider. It takes courage to be honest about our struggles and vulnerabilities, but it can lead to a deeper sense of connection and understanding with those around us.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.” - Brene Brown

If you are interested in the beneficial effects of vulnerability I would recommend "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown.